Forgotten state

Listening to this forgotten album, I slip into a world I'm sure you know, a world like yours. That was then how I was too, I so remember the feeling of spending my afternoons listening to music, drawing thingies, scribbling poetry, and thinking of nothing in particular, and especially having no particular goal.

I remember, I didn't know much of anything back then, there wasn't this trail of heavy thoughts following me everywhere like now, where every bit of new information is automatically connected in my brain to the knowledge I gathered along the way and stacked up, and keeping my head in a constant spinning state... leading nowhere.

My head is full now but back then, just like you, I didn't care about much, for nothing connected with nothing, I had no knowledge and no goal, no job, no ambition, unexcited by the world, and any new information was lost in a sea of impossible connection to anything inside.

I really envy your position, I'd really like to be you. Even if I'm just an old wreck now, I feel so young inside, and I realize by looking at you that what's in the way of any wellness for me is my heavy load of knowledge, which I had not then...

I follow your example, I stopped talking, I try to stay in my head and only enjoy this sunny afternoon lifting me, and even though it's minus 15 outside, my heart feels young and tells my head: just shut the fuck up. And dance. And draw. And write. Don't think and stop linking info.

Now I can write. I feel I can just let my fingers fly on the keyboard and I write pages, and often surprisingly good. Not in this language, though I do think I can manage writing in English too (though with an accent). Somehow I'll find the energy to gather the right words to describe the wellness of emptiness... You show me.

All the thinking I made looking at you reminds me of the lack of relevance to my life of so many things and thoughts that clutter my feelings, my inside. Plunges me in my past, in this forgotten state I once knew. It was good.

You remind me of me, your black sun has shone on me, your ways I must follow. I'd like to be you... I'll try to be like you.

Dominique Rock