I'm ASD and that's that

I was born then with these genes and in that environment. That makes a good part of what I am, whether I like or not.

Impossible to escape these, especially the genes part. Any freedom I claim in this life starts with these constraints (freedom is an illusion).

Anyways that's the vehicle I was given for this life, obviously not the genes of any athlete, nor any such model in my childhood environment. So I'm not expected to be an athlete. Certainly not the best vehicle for doing whatever anyways. I guess just the expectations of fitting in somehow... WTF, not the vehicle for that. Either. You know...

After half a century of trying to figure out why I was never able to fit in, I finally understand, which certainly doesn't mean that I found a solution, a way in. No. Absolutely no. I cannot change my genes nor the environment in which I became a human.

But I can now explain: I'm ASD, I was born in the Autistic Spectrum Disorder, they call.

It's not a disorder. ASD people I can now spot right a way. We are different, we are a minority but are unable to unify in any way, being in different places on the spectrum... But we're not disordered, we're just different.

So... there I am. Wherever I go, whoever I meet, there I am, some kind of weirdo, for there are codes to deliver and understand to fit in what is accepted as a normal person.

A normal person is only another expression for a neurotypical person, the vast majority of humanity.

I can never be that, I'm ASD, I wasn't given the codes nor the ability to produce them, and I do not get the codes I'm sent by neurotypicals, and since ASD people do not deliver codes or incorrectly, I cannot get them codes either.

So I'm alone with myself, with my ASD. The problem is I'm enough on the outside part of the spectrum to be partly neurotypical, at least there is a strong need inside of me to fit in, to be accepted by the majority of people, by society, but that's me, my spot on the spectrum. Many ASD feel very less such need and are simply well in their bubble. Some ASD talk very little. I'm on the Aspie side and talk too much. Language is THE human code I got, pretty much the only one, and sometimes over use it.

I must write them words, so I can TAKE THE TIME I NEED to ... live.

Everything, all the life happens to fast, I cannot... I don't have time to pick up everything, and my ASD brain has great difficulties to let go of any information.

Neurotypical people act very fast; approximation powered by emotions and special milliseconds codes in the exchange of looks drive them through life without them having to ponder every options. That is what allowed Humans to evolve and survive, without any claws, running power nor any of the powerful tools other predators have: approximation. And social unity through invented codes. These are the powerful tools Humans developed.

Buuuut, when looking at history closely, it becomes quite obvious ASD people, probably 15-20% of humanity (occupying different spots on the spectrum), also allowed Humanity to evolve into Modern Humans. Many if not most of the leaders, artists, writers and thinkers through the last... 100,000 years! were obviously in the spectrum, and that is no surprise:  approximation and social unity aren't sufficient tools to succeed.

For Humanity to keep on evolving, it needs not only to keep on going fast, but also to rely, as it also always have, on analysis of the processes, and that's the autistic essential part for Humanity, without which Humans would have fallen over the cliff.

A recognition of the existence of two humanities, neurotypical and ASD would be nice, a recognition that we cannot become neurotypicals and that anyways it wouldn't be a good idea for Humanity if ASD people disappeared. Humanity would also then disappear.

We are two humanities and have always worked together. Just please see it.

Dominique Rock